STRONG WOMEN ...
...women with grace, class, and dignity ... the woman a man should truly pursue...
By trade, I am a jeweler. As I was writing the book, I had a chance conversation with a lady in my store. She related how she prized her wedding band more than her diamond engagement ring, and it surprised me. It certainly changed an assumption I had held all along and I felt I had to include it. If life had a final exam and one of the questions was, "what should a man look for in a wife," this chapter would be my answer. I think it's a good one ... drawn from a lot of life experiences, both good and bad.
Who are the women we desire? Are they the centerfolds of today's men's magazines, the idols that Hollywood holds up for our adoration, or the untouchable "talent" in the gentlemen's clubs? The unattainable? Or are they women who stir something deeper in us? Someone with character, class, and a strength in her heart and soul that we strive to match. A woman whose "yes" to our ultimate request allows us to experience joy and, maybe more importantly, a realization that we have finally achieved something great.
I'm a jeweler; I own a jewelry store, and engagement rings and gold wedding bands are big sellers. Now a diamond engagement ring often costs thousands of dollars, whereas a simple gold wedding band goes for about a hundred bucks or so. A woman I know once said something interesting to me. She said that her wedding band meant more to her than her engagement ring. I was curious about her statement, after all her diamond engagement ring was worth fifty times the cost of her wedding band. I know, I appraised it.
When I asked why, she said that her engagement ring was a man's promise to her; her wedding ring was her promise to herself. Saying yes to the proposal that accompanied his engagement ring was her promise to love him. Saying yes to the vows that accompanied her wedding band was her promise to love herself. Her wedding band was her statement to the world of the honor she saw in herself and her marriage of more than twenty-five years; a marriage that was not always what she envisioned when it was young, fresh, and new. That little gold band told everyone, especially herself, that she loved her integrity, her honor, her loyalty; the values that are the foundation of her character. It had not come off her finger in over twenty-five years. She held fast to everything it stood for and refused to abandon those principles and values when the disappointments and troubles that invariable rear their ugly heads in all marriages occurred. I'm a foot taller than she is, but I look up to her ... that's a strong woman, and her words speak of the importance, especially for us men, of understanding the difference between the cost of something and its true value.
So what does such a woman seek in a man? Well, certainly not a tyrant, a bully, or a selfish brute ... Neanderthal always leaves her cold. On the other hand, she certainly doesn't seek someone timid or indecisive; a man who lacks the vision to chart his own course and the conviction to follow it. And it's doubtful that the playboys in the beer commercials impress her all that much either. You know, the guy who shows up with a cooler full of the right beer, and the supermodels are swooning at his feet. Now if that works in your neighborhood, please invite me to your next party. But I'm betting all that guy ever really ends up with is a lot of empty bottles, a full bladder, and not one supermodel in sight ... and no woman of grace, class, and dignity at his side?
... A strong and emotionally healthy woman invests all of herself in the man she loves and her relationship with him. She is understanding and will forgive his errors in judgment, those mistakes born of inexperience or ignorance. And she expects the same in return. But there's a catch. Virtually all women have an identical trait. She will forgive a man repeatedly for a hurt, a mistake, or a failing. But when a woman decides that she will accept no more, it's over, and that's final. And no one or nothing will change her mind! She may be willing to sit in the game of love, but she won't stand for dealing off the bottom of the deck. It's a lesson I suggest you take to heart.
... Do women want and enjoy sex? Of course, strong and healthy women most certainly do. Gentlemen, realize that women are the stronger of the sexes in many ways, especially sexually. A strong woman of depth and quality understands that her choice of the man with whom she shares herself and satisfies her deepest and most intimate desires is her final, definitive statement of the value she places on her life. She offers her strengths to his abilities, her values to his character, and her passion to his desire. She understands that happy and fulfilling sex with the man she loves is a celebration of her life, not a reason for it. And she knows that in the afterglow of lovemaking when she lies in the embrace of that man she treasures as her true equal, she feels pride ... and knows joy....
... So, who are the women possible to you? Who are the women who match your character, your values, and your vision? And if you are a reflection of a woman's deepest values, what exactly are they? Are you a man of strength, courage, honesty, and integrity? Or are you a nightmare that no self-respecting woman would ever choose to associate with? Is the life you are leading one that would merit such a choice by a woman of quality and value? Would she see in you the final expression of her hopes and dreams and the visible statement of the worth she places on her life?
Ask yourself, are you a prize ... or a poison?
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