FAITH
“Buy you a beer, kid?”
Startled by the familiar voice, Tommy turns to see Aliana's dad standing behind him.
“Oh, hi … ahh, sure, Mr. K … thanks …please, have a seat.”
Taking the stool next to Tommy, Nick looks down the bar.
"How ‘bout two more, Jimmy?”
“Coming right up, Nick.”
“So, how’s school going, kid?” I imagine it’s getting to be a grind.”
“Getting to be?” Tommy says, chuckling at Nick’s words. “… it’s been that way since day one.”
“… but it’s going well? ...”
“ … Oh … yea … good … real good. I’m fortunate though. Dad’s a chemist so I guess it’s in the genes. The courses that wash most people out are the ones I have a knack for, so I’m lucky there. Actually, I had more trouble with courses like literature and philosophy in undergrad.”
“Great Tommy …that’s really good to hear … keep it up.”
Jimmy appears with two fresh cold ones. “Here you go, fellas,” he says, setting a bowl of peanuts on the bar. “Brought you something to munch on.”
“Thanks, Jimmy,” Nick says with a nod.
Turning their attention to the ball game on the TV behind the bar, each quietly sips his beer. A moment passes and Tommy turns to Nick
“Look, ‘Mr. K’, I appreciate the encouragement but I get the feeling you didn’t really come here to talk about med school …?”
Nick laughs softly to himself.
“Yea, you’re right, kid. You know it’s funny, I’ve met a lot of Aliana’s dates, but this is the first time I’ve ever come looking for one in a bar.”
“You came looking for me?” Tommy says, shifting on his barstool, a hint of alarm in his eyes.
“Yea, the guys at the station house said you might be here.”
“Why?”
“Because, I think you hurt my little girl…”
Hi, I’m Tony Baggz … It’s early spring, a Thursday evening and Tommy decided to grab a beer and watch a ball game. His shift is over, there’s no class tonight and I think Tommy wants some space. Seeing Nick though has Tommy a bit surprised … and a bit unnerved. I think he was counting on a stress free evening.
We're at one of the gang's favorite spots, Baldy’s. I know we’ve been here before. It’s Jimmy Morelli’s tavern and although everyone calls it a saloon, it’s really more of a nostalgic trip. The dark paneled walls are covered with autographed pictures of old sports stars, politicians, and celebrities ... and of the city back in the day. This place ought to qualify for a historical preservation grant ... It's a virtual museum.
Jimmy’s nickname comes from resemblance to a rock star of the 1950’s. And along with the nickname came a love of music. The walls in here are a testament to that. Gold records and satin jackets encased in glass adorn the wall behind the bar. The records on the wall are a trek through music history … everything from Big Momma Thornton to the Rolling Stones, CCR, the Doors, the Beatles of course, Elvis, the Eagles, and the great Motown groups, and even some Merle Haggard and Waylon Jennings. And, as in any joint owned by an Italian, there’s a shrine to his favorite “hoodlum” singer as Jimmy likes to call him. Frank … ‘old Blue Eyes … Mr. Sinatra … there’s at least a dozen autographed pictures of him behind the bar.
Actually, it's not well known but Jimmy's real name is Eugene James Morelli. Now I ask you, what Italian mom names her son, Eugene? Must have been a grandfather or an uncle in the woodwork somewhere … a tribute to someone, maybe? Anyway, it seems that Jimmy was quite the dancer in his day. In high school, his nickname was "Lean Gene the Dancing Machine." He actually danced professionally on Broadway for a couple years. But from what Jimmy says, the old neighborhood kept calling … and so did his fiancée. So he hung up his dancing shoes and settled down to the life of a saloon keeper. And ditched the name Eugene. Jimmy Morelli sounds more authentic … and “Fabian" … more exotic. So, that’s Jimmy’s story. Welcome to his place.
Tommy and Aliana have been seeing each other quite steadily for a couple months now and I get the impression she’s found something she wants to hang on to. Maybe a little more than Tommy realizes. And he might not be on quite the same wavelength. You see, Tommy’s the practical type and he realizes the struggle he has in front of him, what with his job, med school, internships, and residency on the horizon. I know he’s concerned with whether he’s being fair with Aliana. Just the other day I overheard him saying to his friend Paul that he just couldn’t give Aliana the time she wants … and deserves … and that maybe it would be better if he backed off for a while. You see, if there is one thing Tommy won’t do it’s fail to be honest about himself and his feelings. And he won’t string someone along … especially Aliana. Knowing how much he likes her, I know he’s torn about wanting to be with her, and wanting to be fair to her. He’s that kind of guy.
So, this afternoon we find ourselves here in a saloon with two men sharing a drink. Two men who adore a certain tall, lovely, raven haired beauty they both call … “Al”…
Let’s listen in …
“Hurt her? Mr. K, I think the world of Aliana … I’d never ...”
“Relax, Tommy,” Nick says, cutting him off. “Besides, it isn’t something you’ve done.”
Tommy’s laugh catches Nick off guard. “Thank goodness … wouldn’t want to end up in the ER with some intern picking buckshot out of my backside.
Nick chuckles. “Yea … guess I do have a reputation,” he says, a devilish gleam in his eye.
“They also say you have a loaded shotgun …"
“Don’t believe everything you hear kid,”
Nick pauses and chuckles to himself.
“Then again … if some of those fools that hang around my girls want to believe that … well, if it keeps them in line, who am I to disappoint them?” …
Sipping his beer, Nick pauses. “But you’re no fool, Tommy,” he says.
“Thank you, Mr. K … you had me worried there,” Tommy says, laughing softly.
Again both men pause to watch the action on the TV. The catcher for the home team just hit a triple with the bases loaded and the Boys in Black take a three run lead.
“But you said I hurt Aliana,” Tommy says, turning his attention from the screen. “I don’t get it, Mr. K … what did I do?”
"Nothing, Tommy ... relax.”
Tommy shakes his head, a confused look on his face.
“Nothing …then what?”
“Something you might not do.”
“Something I might not do? … I still don't get it.”
“Look kid, I know you wouldn’t hurt her, at least not knowingly. And I know Al isn’t seven any more, she’s a grown woman … I made my peace with that years ago. Heck she’s three years older than her mother was when I married Andrea.”
Nick finishes his beer and looks down the bar.
“Jimmy, how ‘bout another? ... How about you, Tommy … want another?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.”
Jimmy slides another cold one down the bar.
“You know, even though Al’s out on her own, she’ll always be my little girl. I can close my eyes and see her in her birthday party dress when she was five, playing soccer with her pony tail flying in the wind when she was ten, coming down the stairs, all dressed up for her Senior Prom …"
A nostalgic looks creeps into Nick's eyes as he pauses and chuckles again … “now there was a boy who almost made me use that shotgun … thank heaven she’s developed better taste in men …”
“So, you admit you’ll resort to the Smith and Wesson therapy if needed," Tommy says, laughing at Nick's remark.
Nick winks. “…figure of speech, my young friend, that’s all.”
“Anyway, she went away to college and after her junior year or so, I saw a change in her. Don’t know what it was … maybe I don’t want to know … but she came home that summer more grown up, more of a woman ... something had changed. And I felt the little girl slipping away” …
Nick pauses to sip his beer.
“… And, as much as I protected her when she was little, I knew it was time to let her go … I couldn’t protect her from everything anymore. She had to live her own life. But with you, well, I think something’s hurting her and this time, right or wrong, I can try to do something about it … although Andrea would probably strangle me if she knew I was here ...”
Nick pauses and shakes his head.
“… so would Aliana, come to think of it,” he says, chuckling softly at the thought.
“So, what’s the problem, Mr. K … there’s something you’re still not saying?”
“Well, Al was crying last night. Not big crocodile tears, just that watery mope women are so good at. Later, Andrea told me you said to Al that you were thinking of breaking off your relationship … that there wasn’t enough time or room in your life for her, and that maybe it was over?”
Tommy looks into his beer glass. From the confused look on his face, I think he’s trying to remember the conversation that brought Nick here tonight.
… “Okay, yea, we talked," Tommy says, his words coming back to him. "But I was just talking about where we are in our lives and whether it was right or smart at this time to get too involved. I was talking about what’s in front of me. After med school, it’s internships and residency. I don’t know where or even what city I’ll end up in. I’m looking at almost ten years till I’m on my own. That’s a grind and a lot of relationships can’t survive it.
Tommy pauses, sips his beer and continues.
“Maybe I was thinking out loud … whether or not I was being fair to her. But that’s all I was saying.”
“… You told her that a serious relationship was out of the question?”
“No, I didn’t say that … I never said anything like that … I’m sorry if Al got that impression. I was just talking about how difficult the process of becoming a physician is on relationships. They actually have a seminar about it in school ... I guess she didn’t take it the way I meant it.”
“Did you come right out and directly ask her how she felt?”
“Well, no, not directly.”
“Do it, kid ... Aliana’s very good at ‘directly’."
Tommy looks down at his beer glass and then up at the action on the TV screen. Thing is, I doubt it’s the beer or the ball game he’s concentrating on.
“Look, Tommy, I understand your concerns … both for yourself and for Al. I admire you for it and I’m sure things are tough. But, you know, there’s an old saying that ‘conscience often gets the credit for what really belongs to cold feet’."
Tommy chuckles. “Believe me, Mr. K, it isn’t cold feet on my part. From a selfish standpoint … well, the truth is I’m crazy about Aliana … I want her with me … I really do …I don’t want to lose her … or let her go … but am I being fair with her?”
“Look, I probably shouldn’t be saying this, Tom … face it, I probably shouldn’t even be here. But Al’s always talked about you. She’d come home from a date, Andrea would ask about the guy she was with, and sooner or later, she'd end up comparing him to you.”
Sitting silently, Tommy sips his beer and just listens.
“I remember when she turned you down for that first date. We had a big birthday party for Andrea’s mother and Aliana had to go. The day of the party, she was quiet … she seemed down … preoccupied. When Andrea asked why, Al told her about you asking her out and she was afraid that when she turned you down to go to the … the … what was it …?”
“A play.”
“… Yea, a play. Anyway, she was afraid you wouldn’t ask her out again. And I know Al; she can’t ask a man out for a date ... too old school. So she was worried all weekend.”
Tommy smiles softly … a smile Nick can’t see.
“And when you asked her out that second time, she was thrilled.”
Nick pauses, grabs a handful of peanuts and continues.
“She talks about you a lot. About you and your little guys baseball team … how the two of you work on the kids games at the council events. About how you look out for Pete’s boy, Andy. That you’ve made him an honorary firefighter, and she could see Andy change because you cared about him. It’s like you gave him a purpose when you became his friend. All those things made an impression ... on all of us ... She sees good things in you … the kind of good things that stick with her.”
Looking into his glass, Tommy shakes his head and chuckles.
“I didn’t realize working with the kids was all that impressive. To me, I have fun with them, they make me laugh. They’re an escape from the grind.”
“Tommy, you say that you have a rough road ahead. Ask yourself, is it time and money you lack, or is it faith?”
Tommy chuckles softly. “Time and money, yea. Faith? I don’t know about that ...”
“Kid, I think you might be selling Al short. I know my daughter; a guy who washes fire trucks with a kid with Down syndrome, or bandages a skinned knee on a seven year old who hurt himself sliding into second; well, to Al, that's far more impressive than ball gowns, expensive nights on the town, or trips around the world.”
Tommy chuckles at the picture in his mind as Nick continues.
“Tommy, watching Aliana, and then some of her friends, I’ve learned one thing. In today’s world there are an awful lot of women who wouldn’t know a good man if they ran over one. They’re like Lois Lane, she could look Clark Kent straight in the eye, and never see her superman. Al’s the opposite… she sees though the veneer, the surface clutter. Trust her, kid … Al can take care of herself.”
“I know … that’s one thing I really like about her."
“Look Tommy, you ought to talk to Ben Foster and Pastor Swanson. They’ll tell you the same story. Both were broke and starting at the bottom. Ben in business, Billy in Divinity School. And neither knew what life had in store. They each met a woman who, when they look back now, may have been ‘the One’. And they both made the same mistake. They passed her by ... let her go. They just figured that they could find “the one” somewhere down the road when the time was right … when they had all the necessary ‘stuff’. They never did and to this day they’ll tell you they wonder what might have been. Neither had faith in himself … neither understood it’s who you are and not what you have that’s the important part. And both are still single.”
“I never realized” … Tommy says, his words trailing off.
“Billy says it was the only time he ever took drink … and the last. And Ben … well … sometimes I think he’s never gotten over that mistake.”
The two men fall silent. The look on Tommy’s face tells me he’s chewing on Nick’s words.
Finishing his drink, Nick sets the glass down and clasps Tommy on the shoulder.
“Gotta go, kid. Andrea’s going to be wondering where I am. I’m supposed to be out getting a bottle of wine for dinner tonight. Got any suggestions? Aliana says you’re a real wine connoisseur. She was impressed at Antoinette’s.”
“Chateau St. Rafael, 2006” Tommy says … it’s one of Joey’s favorites.
Chuckling, he sets his glass down on the bar as Nick heads toward the door.
“Thanks, Nick … thanks for everything.”
“Don’t mention it kid. Oh, and if you breath a word of this … or that this conversation ever took place … I just might have to load that shotgun," he says with a wink.
Heading for the door, he stops, turns, and makes a playful motion like cocking a gun.
“Take care, kid … and take care of my little girl ….”
If winners never quit, and quitters never win, who came up with the statement, ‘quit while you’re ahead’? Just asking.
Faith … believing in something we can’t see … or something we hope for. Cynics and skeptics revile the idea as something akin to superstition; a crutch to lean on for those who can't face reality. And in a way those cynics and skeptics are right … if one’s faith isn’t grounded in one’s values then it is little more than superstition.
Truth, respect, justice, wisdom, intelligence, creativity, and love … values taught to us in our youth … all the foundation of what we call faith. And relying on them isn’t superstition … or the sign of a weak personality. Those values, inherent in man in light of the fact that he is made in the image and likeness of God are the cornerstones of respect for, and faith in, oneself and others. And respect and faith are the foundation of a strong and loving relationship.
... something Nick is trying to get Tommy to see …
… Thinkaboutit … I’m Tony Baggz …
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